Okay so, I bought my ticket today.
This trip has a much different tone attached than my trip to Peru.
The South American trip was more a "I gotta get out of her feeling". I felt like I was searching for something. Some clue that would guide me to where needed to be. I felt like I needed to flee this city and all that was growing and smothering around me. I needed purpose.
That is not where I am right now. I feel mighty secure with my heart and mind, and it scares me to walk away from that.
I spent the summer with my children. We pretty much just hung out and did little things here and I there, but I got so much more out this past summer than I did when I went to South America, and I am scared to leave again. I love my children and the relationship that we have. Its so much warmer than any other feeling I have ever had with anybody and I love every second of it.
So, why leave? Well, I have always wanted to feed the world with the beauty that I know and have always had a thirst for knowledge. This is who I am and always will be...But aside from that, I also feel that when we gain knew strength, we should always test it. We should always be aware that the knowledge and truth we have worked so hard to seek, is strong and we should have faith that when we make sacrifices, it will stick or grow.
I like that this is hard for me to leave, because I feel free of myself, and I am not running from anything. I am doing this for its stated purpose, go out and teach children and open the eyes of my own!